Registered: Jun 2004
Location: The Road
Posts: 114

Due to the heavy volume of requests for Screech's contract rifer, I shall transpose it here, word for word. It is fairly long (3 pages), so I will only share with you the sections that truly show how much of a jackass this guy really is.......

Ready, set, go......

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Michael Gull
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Registered: Jun 2004
Location: The Road
Posts: 114

I swear I'm not making any of this up. I'll fax it to anyone who wants it.......


1) BILLING *VERY IMPORTANT*
Artist shal be billed as DUSTIN DIAMOND. It shall appear as such in all advertisements, fliers, marquees, etc. Artist shall receive 100% headline billing. DUSTIN DIAMOND (100%)--formerly "SCREECH" from SAVED BY THE BELL (50%) is also acceptable. Please note that this is a Dustin Diamond show, not Screech from SBTB. Screech was one of many characters that the Artist portrayed earlier in his career. Advertising for Screech or Screech a.k.a. Dustin Diamond is not acceptable under any circumstances.
DUSTIN DIAMOND IS TO APPEAR FIRST IN ALL ADVERTISEMENT AND IN LARGER LETTERS THAN "Formerly Screech from SBTB".
THE ONLY PICTURES OF DUSTIN DIAMOND ALLOWED TO BE USED IN THE ADS ARE HIS CURRENT PUBLICITY PICTURES. NO PICTURES OF DUSTIN AS "SCREECH" WHEN HE WAS A TEENAGER FROM SBTB IS PERMITTED IN ANY FORM OF AD.
Purchaser will be fined $100 for each ad, flyer run, marquee if billing is not as stated in this agreement. Fine is to be paid in cash prior to Dustin Diamond taking the stage or the show will not go on.

(Numbers 2-7 are mundane, production and dressing room related stuff)

8) SECURITY
Purchaser agrees to supply adequate security, able bodied, sober and qualified. One guard is to be stationed at the dressing room door to prevent unauthorized people from entering while Artist is occupying room. One guard is to accompany Artist to and from stage. Guard is to be stationed by the stage in case the stage is rushed for any reason. Guard is accompany Artist during meet & greet and will be there until Artist exits building. In the event there is a breakdown in security and the Artist deems his personal safety is at risk, the Artist has the right to abruptly end the show and still recieve full performance fee.

9) HOSPITALITY
Purchaser to provide at no cost to Artist the following in his dressing room:
*Hot meals for two people or a $30.00 meal buyout. (All menus must be pre-approved) Artist prefers eating dinner after show and would rather go to a restaurant.
*4 x 500ml bottles of non-carbonated spring water (2 chilled, 2 at room temp)
*4 cans of Red Bull (chilled)
*2 pints chocolate milk, 2 pints of 2% milk (chilled)
*4 x 20 ounce bottles of Pepsi or Coke (chilled)
*If performing in a club, 6 bottles of Michelob Ultra or Miller Lite per day
*Purchaser has the option to buyout dinner and dressing room hospitality for $80.00

(10 deals with promo, 11 deals with methods of payment (prior to performance), 12 is guest list, 13 is no video or audio recording, 14 is cancellation clause, 15 is a car at the airport)

16) AIRFARES
On events where Purchaser agrees to provide and pay for the following airfare requirements at Purchaser's sole cost and expense. Artist will not fly stand by.
*2 round trip airfares

17) Purchaser agrees to provide and pay for the following accomodations at Purchaser's sole cost and expense, under Artist's name for engagement hereunder
*Two rooms with two beds at a name brand hotel

18) In the event the house is oversold beyond contracted capacity, Artist is to receive 100% of said additional receipts. Such receipts are to be paid in full in cash at time of settlement.

19) MEET & GREETS
Dustin loves to interact with his fans and is more than happy to sign autographs after the show. Autographs are free, however he does have merchandise for sale. Purchaser is to provide a table and chair, located in a highly visible area along a wall that can be easilly secured.

20) TYPE OF SHOW----STAND UP
Please note that the Artist's regular stand up show may contain some blue material. Artist does not portray the Screech character in his act, even though he does refer to SBTB in his show. You are getting a mature Dustin Diamond, not Screech. (45 minutes).

That, my fellow road dogs, concludes the highlights from Screech's contract rider. Again, if any of you would like the complete original faxed to you, let me know. Suitable for framing.

Gull

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Michael Gull
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Registered: Jun 2004
Location: The Road
Posts: 114

At this particular show last summer, I recorded the entire thing onto cd through the board, and got a nice cd of Screech'c whole set...including the bit he stole from Keith Alberstadt.

Gull

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Michael Gull
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Registered: Oct 2002
Location: Atlanta, Ga.
Posts: 1431

I didn't think it was drastically over the top but it is funny to read about his security provisions. The only time he should be concerned about people rushing the stage is when they demand their money back.
I also think they've confused the meaning of mature...it doesn't always just mean older.
The billing and size of the lettering etc. is fairly standard.
Bottom line is that he's hired because of his TV credits and if he wants to play them down then he must feel that he has more a future than his past so more power to him. The only time I wished him a place in hell is when he accuses comics of stealing his Wal-Mart jokes and has them fired.
I don't think you come off well when you put a clause in your contract for a $100 fine when a provision isn't met or a buyout of $80 for the dinner or dressing room provision. You just come off cheap.
What I learned years ago from playing in bands was that if you didn't ask for certain things in your contract, the promoters wouldn't take you as seriously. I'm not talking about M&Ms, just deli provisions, drinks in the green room etc.
I say that the club owners and promoters tack on some of their own provisions to this contract such as:
1. for every patron you walk..50% of their admission will be deducted from your pay
2. drug testing

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Darryl Rhoades
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Registered: Sep 2004
Location: Citrus Springs Florida
Posts: 169

I am surprised they didn't put a clause in about the style of toilet paper he had to have and what nurse maid would wipe him..?

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Registered: Oct 2002
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 235

Best line IMO:

Screech was one of many characters that the Artist portrayed earlier in his career.

Check out the Artist's storied career here

"You might remember your Headliner as Kid on the Beach in She's Out of Control -- please welcome, DUSTIN DIAMOND!"

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Registered: Jun 2004
Location: The Road
Posts: 114

What I find amazing is that the rider demands that it not be marketed as a "Screech" show, and we have to get past the whole SBTB thing...yet it uses the word "Screech" no less than 9 times.

Gull

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Michael Gull
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Registered: Jan 2004
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Posts: 29

that is sooo funny..this guy is a total loser. I have a friend who worked with him at an Improv and he told me that he refused to let the Feature or M.C use the green room during the course of the show. The asshole never even used the green room, so the feature and M.C had to sit with the audience even when the green room was empty.

I don't get it! How can such a no talent hack loser who isn't even a real comic have such a big ego?. Oh I forgot, he took polaroid pictures with the audience and sold them for 20$ a pop too. And the sad thing is..people bought them.. Jeesh!

this proves that this business is 100% bullshit...

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www.stevemillercomedy.com

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Registered: Jul 2003
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 164

"I recorded the entire thing onto cd through the board, and got a nice cd of Screech'c whole set...including the bit he stole from Keith Alberstadt."

Michael, I'd love to hear Screech stealing Keith's bit.

Has anybody seen the pic of Screech with Landon Lyon? That's a story and a half.

(By the way, Michael, how've you been?)

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Registered: Sep 2004
Location: Citrus Springs Florida
Posts: 169

this proves that this business is 100% bullshit... [/B][/QUOTE]

See Steve,
I have been saying that all along! Like the old saying goes,"It's not who you know, it's who you B_ _ _!" Or who's ass you decide to kiss. Screech just happens to be using the credentials of an old TV show that unfortunatly, the public are still gaga over. Why...beyond me?

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Keep smiling, Keep laughing and let God walk beside you.
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Registered: Jun 2004
Location: The Road
Posts: 114

Hey Jesse. I'm great, how are you? I'll be in your neighborhood in November (Cookeville on 11/3 and South Street on 11/4 & 5). Stop out and say hi. Email me your address and I'll send you a copy of the Screech cd.


Gull

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Michael Gull
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Registered: Jun 2004
Location: The Road
Posts: 114

I was doing a search on the lovely and talented Mr. Diamond, as I always do, when I found this.........

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/qwertyuio/221075


So I had to pull my pants up and post it.


Gull

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Michael Gull
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Registered: Jul 2005
Location: Shreveport, LA
Posts: 20

I know violence doesn't solve anything, but has anyone tried to whip his monkey ass..besides Horschak?

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Jody Fuller
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Registered: Jun 2005
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 329

Rob...................... where are you?

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Registered: Jan 2002
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 538

What a total jackass Dustin is.
Dustin is a punk ass bitch.
I hate Screech.

Notice how I only used the name "Screech" 50% of the time, as the contract rider stipulates.
Sparky...your post cracked me up!!!
Keith

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Keith Alberstadt

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